In Greek mythology, Odysseus left Mentor in charge of his son Telemachus when he left for the Trojan War. Today, mentoring is alive and well with much of it supporing boys into manhood.

During the past couple of months I've participated in 2 mentoring workshops -- or more acurately, rituals. Hosted by Boys to Men Toronto, these were moments of deep satisfaction and gratitude for me.

The first one was called Reclaiming Your Teenage Fire and was for men wishing to mentor boys. It only makes sense that if you are going to mentor a boy, you should have an honest, clear, and healthy relationship with your teenage self. We each brought a teenage photo of ourselves and surrendered to several rounds of rituals that peeled us down to feelings of forgiveness or at a least acceptance.

The second ritual I took part in was a Rights of Passage Adventure Weekend (or ROPA for short). It was a condensed version of what adolescent males would go through and one of the core programs of BtM. Rites of Passage are age-old rituals that support people transitioning from one stage of life to another. They could be any stage of life, but are often the passage from childhood into adulthood and can be secular like a sweet sixteen birthday party or religious like a Bar Mitzva. When I was 13 my friends and I all went through a Confirmation ceremony at my Catholic school where we chose names and symbols and were welcomed into community. In high school I got my drivers licence and left home for hiking in the Canadian Rockies but neither of these experiences compared to my BtM times. For the ROPA, we were a group of 13 men who were separated from the others and guided and invited through several stages of individual and group process and play. These stages ritualized the integration of memory & imagination, pain & passion, fear & strength, shame & pride, and service to the self as well as the community.

For me, the ROPA was a very safe, creative, and expressive space for reflecting on the man I was, the man I am, and the man I want to be. At the end of the weekend you stand in front of your new male community -- those who have witnessed and worked through this process with you. You are welcomed into the room and then 2 men volunteer to voice and honour your character and your gifts. It was a very loving moment, the kind of love that nurtures deep trust in others and oneself. For me, this trust brings community and empowerment.

I packed my critical mind along with my sleeping back for both of these rituals, but it wasn't much use. For all the talk about boys and manhood, what I experienced was men simply telling their truths about how they survive in the world. Of course these truths are shaped by the pain and promise of socially acceptable masculinity, but those questions are secondary to reclaming biographies that heal and leave one ready to listen or question. While gender is socially constructed, all men negotiate this performance and it's this common experience and shared idenity that gives us the gifts of safety, community, and trust. BtM is not about any particular type of manhood or masculinity and that's the best kind of mentoring one can hope for.

Coincidently, another part of the mentorship training is talking about the masks we wear as men. I'm happy to have Masc Mag to share my experiences and would invite others to reflect on their real or ideal passage from boyhood to manhood.

• Did you have any type of ritual that supported your transition into adulthood?
• If yes, how supportive was it toward a healthy sense of self?
• If no, how do you think a ritual would have affected your personal development?
• Do you think boys and girls need different rites of passages?
• Should society or schools pay more attention to offering healthy rites of passage for teens?
• What would be some key parts in a rite of passage for you?

Here's a short video about the Journeymen who take part in BtM programs:

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Paul is a co-founder of Masc Mag and gets very excited about the links between masculinity, literacy, media, and spirit.