Esquire magazine recently featured the "How to be a Man" issue that included suggestions such as stopping a running toilet and killing an injured animal. These stereotypes of man that that are constantly cycled through the mass media are outdated and not really funny anymore. Lynn Crosbie, a journalist for the Globe and Mail, lamented in her latest pop culture column, "there appears to be a masculinity movement afoot [...] informal quest to determine what exactly masculinity is today." This made me realize the importance of all of the great dialogue we have going on here at mascmag.com What does it mean to be a man? What is masculinity?

John Colapinto's book As Nature Made Him, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl, documents the experience of David Reimer, a man from Winnipeg, Manitoba who, as a newborn, lost his penis because of a botched circumcision. With advice from leading professionals and doctors, his parents decided to raise him as a girl, Brenda, and gave him hormones to induce the physical changes of a typical female body. As soon as he turned 18, he transitioned back to being a man and became David.

As a teenager, David's father finally broke down and told him that he was born a boy but raised as a girl. Here is how David describes the experience: "He told me that I was born a boy, and about the accident when they were trying to circumcise me, and how they saw all kinds of specialists, and they took the best advice they had at the time, which was to try to change me over. My dad got very upset. [...] I was relieved. Suddenly it all made sense why I felt the way I did. I wasn't some sort of weirdo. I wasn't crazy." (from As Nature Made Him)

David's experience tells me that manhood and womanhood are not only cultural constructions. Masculinity is culturally constructed, but there is room for discussion about what manhood is and/or means. I believe that manhood is something. There is a collection of feelings that build up inside us as we are seen and treated as boys and men in our communities. This collection of feelings was heavily conflicted and confused for David Reimer since he was seen as a girl but felt like a boy. These feelings, whether I like it or not, inform my actions and the choices I make. So, I am a man, but what does that mean? When do I know or feel that I am a man? Can there be boys without men? Can there be men without boys?

David Reimer's experience is unique because he didn't experience the stereotypical "rites of passage" in the same way as many other men. For example, shaving with his father, his first erection, standing up to a bigger boy or bully, becoming a dad. Other adult men who have transitioned from female also skip these experiences that many men identify as their defining moments, and jump right into manhood. Does manhood really require these "rites of passage"?

Many adult men who were born female describe the important step in their transition of being seen in public as a man - 'passing' as a man. Passing as a man might be important because those feelings of being seen as a man begin to build up, shaping a certain sense of masculinity. Funny enough, I have spent my whole life being a man and I am only now beginning to see the many opportunities I am provided because I am seen and treated as a man. These opportunities can be both positive and negative.

For example, I find people expect a certain level of rudeness from me perhaps because I am a man. When I show that I am listening well, strangers and new people I meet are often pleasantly surprised. (I admit I sometimes take advantage of this expectation of rudeness and not listening.)

People get especially excited when I show vulnerability. I might mention something very boring like "I use facial cream," or "I enjoy cleaning," and depending on the listener's concept of man, this revelation causes such strange reactions as laughter, confusion, or anger. When I am angry, I find that I am far more likely to be taken seriously, rather than perceived as 'bitchy.' These are some of the ways that I've seen manhood weave its way through conversations, stereotypes, and misogyny (hatred of women) and misandry (hatred of men).

Maybe even more interesting than the way manhood plays out in public is the way manhood plays out in private. What do we do, think, write, and act when we are without an audience? In As Nature Made Him, David Reimer says "I'm happiest when I'm alone. Doesn't mean I'm not friendly. It's just I'm more comfortable when I'm by myself. It's not lonely. It's relaxing. It's soothing. It reminds me of my grandfather's farm. If I go for a walk there, I'm in total peace. I'm never alone there. You always feel like you're surrounded in a place like that. Surrounded by what, I don't know. But you're not alone." I wonder if David feels this way because of his traumatic experience or because he is a man, or both, or neither.

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Robert is a teacher, writer, and aspiring chef-at-home living and working in downtown Toronto.