There's been some talk on masc about why young men don't go to the doctor for medical help and advice.  This speaks to masculinity's encouragement of 'toughing it out.'  Seeking help from a doctor or a mental health professional requires the step of admitting to yourself that you need help.  For some reason, for many people, and especially for men, admitting that you need help equals weakness.

Joey Vottoa, the First Baseman for the Cincinnatti Reds, was in the position of explaining to basbeball fans why he did not play during a difficult time in the season after the death of his father.  It was refreshing to see a man on Sportscentre openly talking about his need for help.

"What?!  You mean to say you need help to get through a personal issue?  Then what kind of man are you?"  This is an example of the self-regulating that young men often do as they assess the importance of their health problem.  In other words, is the problem important enough to supposedly give up our constructed status as a young health man?  Also, if we do not display emotional intelligence to our loved ones (as so many of us don't), there is an even greater expectation to display physical healthiness.  Still, we men are affected by serious health issues early on.

I have friends, young men in their 20's, who are undergoing, or have undergone treatment for testicular cancer, non-Hodgkins lymphoma, brain tumor, low fertility, and sex change preparation.  Rarely have I talked in a real under the surface way to any of my friends about these things.  There are so many deep emotional and psychological experiences that go along with any health issue.

I have also rarely talked to my male friends about their mental health problems.  I know though that I have friends who have been diagnosed or sought help for depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and bipolar disorder.  It is a topic that so many men just don't talk about with other men.  It makes sense though, that if physical health issues are not really talked about in a real way, that mental health issues would not be talked about at all.  Are we really ok just not talking about our mental health though?

I'm not.  Since the Winter, I've been seeking out services in the mental health profession.  I am acknowledging bad habits that I've gotten used to in order to address anxiety and depression.  One of the coping habits is pretending with friends and colleagues that I'm ok.  When I've talked about it with my male friends, rarely does the conversation slow down and become 'real.'

It is more like a quick check-in: "Oh, wow, you have anxiety.  Ya?  That sucks.  Are you working it out?  Ya, you're a healthy guy!"  This response isn't negative, it just doesn't help very much.  Perhaps I shouldn't expect anything more 'real' or deeper from friends.  Afterall, we are meeting up for drinks, not to discuss my mental health.  Or perhaps there are learned patterns in many male friendships and acknowledging real problems can disrupt these set patterns.  I dunno.

There is such little research and discussion in the area of men's mental health (or women's mental health for that matter) that it is no wonder men don't talk about it.  Large scale reports and research commissioned by the government in the last 10 years don't acknowledge gender much at all, except a bit about the added pressures taken on by women for family caregiving.

The Canadian Mental Health Association is very aware of the different mental health experiences of men and women.  Women have successfully advocated for some forms of woman-oriented care through Women's Health Networks, collectives, and clinics.  We men just haven't been loud enough about it, but considering that, in Canada, 4 out of every 5 suicides are male, maybe we should get loud about it.

Here is a sample letter I am sending to my local politicians that you are welcome to use.

Dear ______________,

I believe that men and women experience mental health in different ways.  I also believe that men and women seek out help from the mental health profession in different ways.  Most of my friends and family and co-workers I've talked to about it believe this as well.  It is time for the government to provide funding and policy frameworks that integrate more gender based care, in particular in the area of mental health.

Can you please tell me what the government is doing to:

1) create policies, that speak directly to men seeking help for mental health problems?

2) update existing policies, that speak directly to men seeking help for mental health problems?

3) design national prevention and treatment strategies, that speak directly to men seeking help for mental health problems?

Thank you.

Robert Bickford

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Robert is a teacher, writer, and aspiring chef-at-home living and working in downtown Toronto.