Last week I attended a conference about boys' engagement in school. The big buzz these days is fixing the formula for boy's achievement with better literacy test scores, lower suspension rates, and just overall positive connections between schools and males.

The crisis usually gets bent on what's wrong our boys and how either the boy code, the guy code, or the tough guise is shaping anti-social and anti-educational males.

But what's that old saying between crisis and opportunity? It seems to me that yes, traditional codes of masculinity mangle positive male development and that these codes are written far beyond the chalkboards of public school. In fact these codes make up the fabric of our culture: food and clothing to name just 2.

If dropouts are pushouts, disengagement is critique, French class is femine, and education is obediance, maybe we can take a second look at public school.

My last post looked at male mentoring and rites of passage -- the ritiuals that guide us from childhood to aduldhood. I'd like to propose we look to schools and schooling for some of this guidance.

Many have already talked about schooling as a process of 'becoming' where our identity is 'under construction' but what about as a rite of passage?

Mentors: While some students learn better from people who look like them (race, gender, etc) or have similar backgrounds, boys report that their best teachers are not necessarily male, but the adults who care and offer support. One quote I heard at the boys conference was "I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care." Well put. Schools are full of mentors who are male and female, teacher and student, principals in the office, and heroes in the curriculum. How would teacher’s qualifications or the school day differ if mentoring were a prized role?

Individual Development: There are differences between brain and body developments for boys and girls that affect their learning. But we can't mentor averages. I heard a radio interview recently with Barry MacDonald (mentoring boys expert) who said knowing that 175 cm is the average height of an adult male gives us little guidance for predicting a man's height. If public education is to give an equal opportunity for all students, then how can we take all we know about students (their differences and similarities) and offer lessons and levels that fit with their success?

What about gender development? Public schools are prime spaces for boys and girls to practice, perform, and play with gender codes and thus we should explicitly see these experiences as teachable and mentoring moments. Many more girls are now playing sports and experimenting with science than a generation ago, but where are the guys in French classes, family studies, drama, and environmental clubs?

One of the big issues driving these discussions on boys and schooling is the push for all-male classes and schools. But based on what I've seen so far, the thinking is built on a foundation of 'boys will be boys' and accommodating social codes of narrow male experiences (and I would add anti-female), rather than exploring and challenging them. To reference Barry MacDonald again "biology is not destiny". Thus for every boy who might benefit from same-sex classes, some other boy might loose out and at this stage in the research there’s no telling what the benefits are or what specifically caused them. Join a great discussion here.

Social Vision: Gender codes, rites of passage and mentoring are rooted in a vision of the future. My heart needs schools to be incubators of a better world, rather than a filter and accommodator for lowered expectations for the world that is here today. If and when schools do teach about the harsh economic and ecological realities, what trust (never mind skills and knowledge) exists that promises students real opportunity?

The story of Jane Elliot's 1968 class is a chilling tale of how difference and segregation reproduces hierarchies and even hate (on all sides). Now this might seem an extreme example, but unless the evidence is conclusive about single-sex schools, why would we separate boys and girls in schools? Is being in a ‘publicly funded’ (let’s be clear to make this distinction here) boy’s school a marker of a boy’s failed biology or privileged accommodation?

Researchers and educators are continuously improving educational philosophies and practices that are differentiated to the needs of each student and confirm the benefits of project and inquiry-based curriculum and collaborative learning. My fear at this point in the debate is that single-sex spaces lead to single-sex thinking, and rather than using gender as a lens into individual/social/educational success, we're using gender to avoid (just forgetting about money and budgets altogether for now) asking important political questions such as:

• is there a double standard (or sexist/homophobic judgment) at work when we accept and promote girls doing, feeling, and wanting traditionally boy things, but not the other way around?
• since gender and sexuality are so closely linked, how does a unified gender classroom explore and support a fluidity of sexualities?
• do single-sex schools address or distract us from the problem of which boys (overwhelmingly racialized and poor) are disengaging from school?

Belonging: At the boy’s conference I also watched a documentary called Boys to Men, which mirrored (in name and beyond) not only the mentor organization I wrote about last post, but a Toronto District School Board project. The power of belonging is central in my opinion to discussions on schooling and mentoring, since it can be both the disease and the cure for healthy manhood. Drug abuse, risky behaviour, invulnerability, violent entertainment and outbursts, emotional denial, performance stress, fear of failure, homophobia, and over-entitlement are just some of the conditions many males live with, while trying to conform to and belong to a circle of boys-to-men. I think schools (along with many other social structures) need to offer competing and irresistible options for boy-to-men to consider and experience.

A more radical gesture would be to re-visit curriculum, teaching practices, and the credit system to celebrate and elevate the hidden diversity of boys’ interests and skills to participate in the mentoring, development, social vision, and belonging ideas above. How do we do this? I’d start with ending the binary stated above: boys are neither a problem to be fixed nor a difference to be separated. My points and questions about mentoring hopefully keep us going in the right direction.

In Greek mythology, Odysseus left Mentor in charge of his son Telemachus when he left for the Trojan War. Today, mentoring is alive and well with much of it supporing boys into manhood.

During the past couple of months I've participated in 2 mentoring workshops -- or more acurately, rituals. Hosted by Boys to Men Toronto, these were moments of deep satisfaction and gratitude for me.

The first one was called Reclaiming Your Teenage Fire and was for men wishing to mentor boys. It only makes sense that if you are going to mentor a boy, you should have an honest, clear, and healthy relationship with your teenage self. We each brought a teenage photo of ourselves and surrendered to several rounds of rituals that peeled us down to feelings of forgiveness or at a least acceptance.

The second ritual I took part in was a Rights of Passage Adventure Weekend (or ROPA for short). It was a condensed version of what adolescent males would go through and one of the core programs of BtM. Rites of Passage are age-old rituals that support people transitioning from one stage of life to another. They could be any stage of life, but are often the passage from childhood into adulthood and can be secular like a sweet sixteen birthday party or religious like a Bar Mitzva. When I was 13 my friends and I all went through a Confirmation ceremony at my Catholic school where we chose names and symbols and were welcomed into community. In high school I got my drivers licence and left home for hiking in the Canadian Rockies but neither of these experiences compared to my BtM times. For the ROPA, we were a group of 13 men who were separated from the others and guided and invited through several stages of individual and group process and play. These stages ritualized the integration of memory & imagination, pain & passion, fear & strength, shame & pride, and service to the self as well as the community.

For me, the ROPA was a very safe, creative, and expressive space for reflecting on the man I was, the man I am, and the man I want to be. At the end of the weekend you stand in front of your new male community -- those who have witnessed and worked through this process with you. You are welcomed into the room and then 2 men volunteer to voice and honour your character and your gifts. It was a very loving moment, the kind of love that nurtures deep trust in others and oneself. For me, this trust brings community and empowerment.

I packed my critical mind along with my sleeping back for both of these rituals, but it wasn't much use. For all the talk about boys and manhood, what I experienced was men simply telling their truths about how they survive in the world. Of course these truths are shaped by the pain and promise of socially acceptable masculinity, but those questions are secondary to reclaming biographies that heal and leave one ready to listen or question. While gender is socially constructed, all men negotiate this performance and it's this common experience and shared idenity that gives us the gifts of safety, community, and trust. BtM is not about any particular type of manhood or masculinity and that's the best kind of mentoring one can hope for.

Coincidently, another part of the mentorship training is talking about the masks we wear as men. I'm happy to have Masc Mag to share my experiences and would invite others to reflect on their real or ideal passage from boyhood to manhood.

• Did you have any type of ritual that supported your transition into adulthood?
• If yes, how supportive was it toward a healthy sense of self?
• If no, how do you think a ritual would have affected your personal development?
• Do you think boys and girls need different rites of passages?
• Should society or schools pay more attention to offering healthy rites of passage for teens?
• What would be some key parts in a rite of passage for you?

Here's a short video about the Journeymen who take part in BtM programs:

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Paul is a co-founder of Masc Mag and gets very excited about the links between masculinity, literacy, media, and spirit.

Masc Mag is delighted to support an upcoming conference about men and community engagement. The Call for Presenters deadline is closing soon, but take a look, pass this on, attend, or connect it to your work.

The conference will engage professionals, religious communities and student activist leaders in the process of identifying and strategizing removal of barriers which have traditionally kept large numbers of men from joining violence prevention and response efforts. Workshops will be designed to reach those just beginning, those who have already started but are facing challenges reaching larger audiences, and those who are working to broaden the conversation to include ways in which they can help the movement advance.

Workshops will be organized along the following three themes:

• Professional Development for Practitioners and Researchers
• Faith Community Responses and Partnerships
• Student Activist Development

Its not often we get some good news from the battle against corporations using gender stereotypes to sell their products. I've written before about how extremely gendered marketing is for children and I'm not the only one who's noticed. A group of 13 year old schoolchildren in Sweden have convinced their national advertising ombudsman to reprimand Toys "R" Us for sexist advertising. The reprimand states that Toys "R" Us catalogue "discriminates based on gender and counteracts positive social behaviour, lifestyles, and attitudes."

Here's my favourite quote from the article in a Swedish newspaper about this story,  "Moa Averin emphasized the importance of children being able to be who they want even if 'guys want to be princesses sometimes'."

The ombudsman can only reprinand advertisers but does not have the power to punish or fine them. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was more accountability in advertising for the sexist junk we see every day?

And beyond the advertising, its so limiting to make boys feel like they're doing something wrong for wanting to play with dolls and clothes and pink. I think its time for an end to a boys and girls section in the toy store. Let the kids decide for themselves what they want based on their own interests and desires.

The root of it is “Love”. Also the fact that I was raised by a single mother, it gave me the opportunity to develop what masculinity meant to me, I wasn’t just forming my ideas based on what some one else said what It should be. I had the opportunity to be more analytical in what I thought or didn’t think masculinity was  

2. You became a dad at 21 and, though it was hard, parented your kids to the best of your abilities. What inner or external resources helped you at that time?

That proverb” It takes a village to raise a child”, is so true. It’s with the help of my mother and my mother in law, aunt, sister in law, and other family members that my wife and I depend upon in help raising our three children. I honestly feel that my role is to parent not only my own sons, but also to help co-parent the children in my community; I think we all have that responsibility in our own communities.

3. What are some positive things you see happening around you in terms of men and masculinity?

I see more open dialogues and forums happening with men, created by men. I see more of us challenging the traditional views of patriarchy and the realization from those before us that it doesn’t work. I like that they are more cultural movements that are speaking to men of colour about what it is to be a man, father, husband/ partner, etc.. I like that we are making strides as a community, we have a way to go, but we are learning on our journey.

I recently repeated my following of Carlos Andres Gomez when he performed in Toronto the other week, thanks to the Ryerson White Ribbon Campaign. I meant to do an audio interview with him for MASC, but we ended up going to a cheery bar afterwards for a long chat.  Question: Story: Detail: Laugh: Drink: Share: Story: Eat: Wonder: Story: Pay: and before I knew it the night was over and I never pulled out the mic. So I sent Carlos my questions and he kindly replied. At the end of this post he tells us when he's back in Toronto again (hint: real soon).

MASC: What experience(s) did you have that gave you more permission, power, or curiosity for swimming against the stream when it comes to stories about being/becoming a man?

Carlos: Being a loner most of my life, as a result of moving constantly growing up and always feeling out of place, was huge for me challenging the status quo in general. I never really felt like I had peers to impress or fit in with, so I kind of did what I felt doing a lot. I’ve also always had a real anti-authoritarian streak in me, which I'm sure contributed to "swimming against the stream."

MASC: In your poem "Vitruvius" you talk about the measure and confines of being a man. you write "we care so much sometimes as men, we lash out / and throw punches at the air". While you have some words for Leonardo da Venci about freeing men from the dimensions of masculinity -- what words do you have for our readers as some men are struggling to break free from boxed-in and discounted versions of themselves?

Carlos: My two cents is this: stop trying to be anything or anyone. Don't worry about who you are – and just be. I know it might sound corny but it's amazing what a little self-observation and curiosity about the world will do. Often times with guys, I know with myself especially, I've felt pressure at different points to be a certain kind of man or person; only when I stopped trying to fit that mold did I really discover what was inside of me.

Take it another step further - try something that’s completely out of your comfort zone and see what comes up inside. If you always do one thing, try doing something else and see how you and everyone around you reacts. For example, take a ballet class or try ballroom dancing…or if you’re really brave – do improv. And when your friends look at you like you're nuts, just say "Like Walt Whitman said, 'I am a large, I contain multitudes.'" Have that be your anthem in life.

MASC: I've seen you perform twice now in Toronto where you perform a couple of pieces and then weave in discussion and more performances -- tying and testing everyone's experiences into an instant community. What does this format say about you and the power of poetry and people?

All it takes is one car commercial to run the red light of gender equity and you would think we'd gone back to the 1970's.

An interesting thing about teaching media studies is the diversity of opinions people can have over the same media text. Often it's never talked about and when it is, it can easily turn into an overly simple like/dislike or an elaborate personal review that deconstructs every gesture. Seeing ads on tv, in the movies, or on the streets makes knowing audiences' reactions a bit of a mystery -- unless those same ads are on YouTube or a blog with comments.

Let's look at this new Dodge Charger ad that aired during the Superbowl and has since racked up over a million YouTube hits. Based on my rough estimates, about 98% of the comments are somewhat supportive of the preferred message. But even the handful of critics are met with defensiveness, rather than curiosity:

• "I love how everyone is having a hissy fit about a commercial that was meant to be funny."
• "seriously why so much uproar over this commercial? its targeted towards people who buy the car ... men ... seriously how many women have you seen driving a muscle car? exactly ... and it isn't even sexist ... people take things way to serious in this country"
• "really just get over it, its just a funny commercial D:"

Enter Woman's Last Stand, the spoof ad:

Funny enough, a video with almost a quarter of the YouTube views (of course not counting all the Superbowl television viewers of the original) has almost a 1,000 more comments....and how do the comments compare?

We will be involved with some of the events and you can check them all out on their blog.

The following event is coming up right away and I really encourage any Toronto readers to attend if they can. If you can't be there you can still find out about all the participants and their work if you keep on reading and follow the links.

How To Be A Good Man – A Discussion Amongst Men of Faith and Creed

Wednesday, March 10: 6:30pm - 8:30pm
ENG 103 in the George Vari Engineering and Computing Centre, 245 Church Street, Ryerson University, Toronto

As part of 'White Ribbon Pledge Week at Ryerson University from Monday March 8th - Friday March12th

A dynamic panel of speakers will be coming to Ryerson to reflect on male role models they had or did not have, how their teachings and path helped them define what being a man truly is, and share stories from their experiences.

Moderator - Tuval Dinner, Youth Programs Director at the White Ribbon Campaign.

Keynote Speech by Imam Khalid Latif

Imam Khalid Latif is Chaplin for the New York City Police Department (NYPD) and Executive Director and Chaplain (Imam) for the Islamic Center at New York University (NYU). http://www.icnyu.org/

DJ Danforth

DJ is a proud 25 year-old Native young man from the Oneida Nation. He is currently the Youth Cultural Coordinator for the Oneida Tribe of Wisconsin, and sings with drum groups Elk Soldier and Tha Tribe. DJ has also written for masc!

Brandon Hay

Brandon is Executive Director of the Black Daddies Club.
BDC adresses issues facing the Black Community as a whole. The main goal is to change the image of the black father in the media, from a neglectful figure to a responsible, involved and loving role model. www.blackdaddiesclub.com/